I've lost my writing mojo, which for me is a bit like losing my religion. Ever since I was little writing and words have been really important to me. I devoured books as a child, reading under the covers after lights out, trying to finish that chapter before I went to sleep so I could dream about the characters and what happened next. I'm sure my passion for reading contributed to my short sightedness (actually a study published in 2008 did make a link between the two).
I started this blog as a way of finally having an outlet for my writing - I don't really care if it is any good or not, I enjoy writing and wanted to flex my muscles in a sort of anonymous environment. I've been feeling more confident about it lately, more like I'd started to find my feet.
Until 3 weeks ago that is. I'd been really busy and all of a sudden I had essay deadlines staring me in the face. I needed to read, and read is what I did. I read almost all the reading I was supposed to do in 6 weeks for 2 modules, in the space of 10 days. Some of it I enjoyed reading, like the study material on war and intervention. The rest I didn't. Institutional development theory is not something that interests me. Even worse, I think it has killed my brain.
I keep reading other blog posts on feminism, body image, random thoughts, wonderful things, that I want to be able to reflect on and write about. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find the words.
I will persevere, and one of the blogs I read is doing a series on the mechanics of writing which I hope will bring my mojo back. I am determined to get myself back in the groove! I have a couple of books on my to read list that might inspire me to write more. Studying and having a life is difficult - I will read these books because I think it is important to read for pleasure as well as reading for my studies, but the guilt is awful. The guilt that I should be trying to understand ethnicity and conflict, or the relationships between institutions.
I also feel guilty when I write posts about frivolous things like clothes or make up, because I feel that I should be writing something deeply profound and life changing, or I should be writing something that in someway enhances my academic study.
The other concern that is always in the back of my mind is just how I can make the things I want to write about relate to being different, to standing out, to making my way in this world in a way that doesn't follow form or convention. Its a tough order and quite frankly I think I put too much pressure on myself.
Someone just tell me to lighten up?