Monday, 11 July 2011

That's me in the corner...

I've lost my writing mojo, which for me is a bit like losing my religion. Ever since I was little writing and words have been really important to me. I devoured books as a child, reading under the covers after lights out, trying to finish that chapter before I went to sleep so I could dream about the characters and what happened next. I'm sure my passion for reading contributed to my short sightedness (actually a study published in 2008 did make a link between the two).

I started this blog as a way of finally having an outlet for my writing - I don't really care if it is any good or not, I enjoy writing and wanted to flex my muscles in a sort of anonymous environment. I've been feeling more confident about it lately, more like I'd started to find my feet.

Until 3 weeks ago that is. I'd been really busy and all of a sudden I had essay deadlines staring me in the face. I needed to read, and read is what I did. I read almost all the reading I was supposed to do in 6 weeks for 2 modules, in the space of 10 days. Some of it I enjoyed reading, like the study material on war and intervention. The rest I didn't. Institutional development theory is not something that interests me. Even worse, I think it has killed my brain.

I keep reading other blog posts on feminism, body image, random thoughts, wonderful things, that I want to be able to reflect on and write about. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to find the words.

I will persevere, and one of the blogs I read is doing a series on the mechanics of writing which I hope will bring my mojo back. I am determined to get myself back in the groove! I have a couple of books on my to read list that might inspire me to write more. Studying and having a life is difficult - I will read these books because I think it is important to read for pleasure as well as reading for my studies, but the guilt is awful. The guilt that I should be trying to understand ethnicity and conflict, or the relationships between institutions.

I also feel guilty when I write posts about frivolous things like clothes or make up, because I feel that I should be writing something deeply profound and life changing, or I should be writing something that in someway enhances my academic study.

The other concern that is always in the back of my mind is just how I can make the things I want to write about relate to being different, to standing out, to making my way in this world in a way that doesn't follow form or convention. Its a tough order and quite frankly I think I put too much pressure on myself.

Someone just tell me to lighten up?

1 comment:

  1. I must admit I feel very much the same as you, although my reasons are completely different. My motherhood destroyed my life as an interesting individual, who reads, enjoys intelligent music, discusses life with friends till 6 in the morning (accompanied by alcohol and cigarettes). In order to do something with my life I started blogging, hoping I would have something interesting to say, whereas I focus mainly on make-up, which is the easiest thing for me to do ( go to the mall, get some stuff and write a bunch of reviews). When I try to write something other I'm ashamed of how bad my style is and how little I've got to say. On the other hand, it's nice to know that someone somewhere finds it useful to look at the swatches I do or appreciates a review! Cheer up girl, I wish I could study again, there were so many open paths then!


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