Still, I've never really stopped wanting to be in 'the cool gang'. You know, how Sandy is desperate to get Danny's attention in Grease so she becomes one of the Pink Ladies in a bid to achieve her goal. And then at the end becomes a sex bomb... C'mon... look at this and tell me you don't want to be her?
|The only bit of this outfit I can't do is the curls....|
That feeling never really leaves you I don't think, and I've certainly felt it recently with all the problems I've been having with my skin. Thing is, in reality, I know its just a part of my mind that loves playing tricks with me.
Cool kids don't exist. Every single person is as fragile as the next, as afraid of their status in society as the next one. Generally I'm a pretty assertive, confident person. Get me on my pet topics (which to be fair is quite a long list), and I can talk for a while about them, now available in two languages (hell, being able to argue successfully with someone in your second language is somewhat rewarding don't you think?), but put me in certain situations and I start to feel utterly like a fish out of water.
I'm not sure I can even define what I mean by cool. There is a bit of an image circulating in my head that has the strength to occasionally make me feel totally inadequate. Is it the way I dress? The fact that I have less than perfect skin? What? I think everyone has an idea of what cool is to them. To me it is the seemingly easy cool of people who casually rock up to a bar looking fabulous and like they just rolled out of bed like that. The ones for whom eyeliner seems like it was something they were born wearing. Not like me. I love wearing make up but can't pull off that devil may care sexy look. I try. I just look like I cried a lot.
The only way out of this situation is to stop thinking about it. To make your own brand of cool, that is yours and nobody else's. How do you do this? Believe in yourself. Make your brand and believe in it. And fuck everyone else. Make your own cool. Find your style, your life, your thing. So in my good moments, I convince myself I am the coolest person on this planet. Because I'm me, and being me is cool.