I thought I was going to be able to come back and blog just like that. But in reality, I have written 10 posts and not published a single one of them. With some it is because I need to take some photographs to go with them, but haven't gotten round to it yet, and others because self-doubt has prevented me from pressing publish.
Self-doubt is a funny thing. In most walks of my life I'm a fairly confident, outgoing person. I'm good at my job, I enjoy life. I can throw a frisbee with both hands (a newly discovered but not unwelcome skill). I can cut my own hair.
But something about writing a blog is absolutely terrifying. I guess this is why I decided mid way through university that life as a journalist. There is just something about baring my soul to the world that feels a bit, well, odd.
All these questions keep coming to my mind. Will people find my writing style annoying or pretentious? Am I too boring? What do people want to read about anyway?
I mentioned in my last post that a colleague said I should write a blog, and do something with the vast amounts of trivia that swims around in my brain. So maybe that is the key - stick to the impersonal.
The original purpose of this blog was to discuss alternative fashion and beauty, but that wasn't ever going to last, let's face it; there are only so many different ways that you can style black clothes. Since I went back to my natural hair colour and discovered a profound love of neutral make up, my day to day look has become distinctly uninteresting to the average person (although definitely a signature look for me). And there I find the gap between what I wanted to do with this blog and the reality of what I can do with it.
So let's just see where this takes me right? I think I should make myself a promise, that I will write and post whatever it occurs to me to write about, no doubts, no thinking, no worrying about who is actually reading.
It's a bit like talking to myself, but with the faint promise that someone is actually listening.